The day when my world turned upside down

It was last Sunday (9/28/08). I haven’t felt good the last couple days. I was cramping and spotting a bit. I asked my sisters about it. They both went through their pregnancies without much problem. They both experienced the cramping. But since I am at an older age, and I spotted, they thought I should check it out and at minimum it would buy me peace.

It didn’t. To our surprise, the ultrasound did not detect a heartbeat. And the size of the fetus was not the size a 9 weeks pregnancy would be. The result said the baby only survived couple days since I last heard its heartbeat. The reason I cramped and bleed is because my body was trying to discharge the fetus.

When the doctor told us that, we were at lost on words. Thinking back, I probably did detect the change in my body. Reading my last blog entry, I said I felt better and I wasn’t bloating and my stomach felt fatten. Of course, no one knows what happen. We can only say that it was a natural selection. And the baby didn’t have the proper condition to grow. We cried.

I think Tom took the news harder than I did. I have been through the emotional roller coaster last year when I thought I couldn’t ever bare children. For him, having a child hasn’t been high on his list. In the last two months, he was pulled into the idea of having someone like him. We have lot of hopes, fear, and excitement. A lot of our plans were put in immediate action in anticipation of its arrival. Now, what?

We grieved the last few days. I had the surgery procedure to remove the fetus on Wednesday. Tom has been wonderful, very supportive and readily available to be with me. I couldn’t have asked for more, given the circumstance. What I have learned from this, is more confirmation that he is the right person for me. He did not run away. He did not emotionally remove himself. He was there, physically and emotionally.

And he said we will try again. Wow!

And as for the wedding plan, the baby came for a reason. Perhaps it is to rush the two of us together. Whatever it is, lots of plan has been made and we will stick with them. Wedding goes on as planned.